Text © Robert Barry Francos / FFanzeen, 2020
Images from the Internet
Around the
autumn of 2018, writer Michael Wolfe wrote a piece on his Too Lazy to Write
a Book blog titled “My Definitive and Absolutely Correct Ranking of 40Jewish Foods,” which was soon followed by the sequel, “MyJewish Food Rankings – the One’s I ‘Missed’.” I would like to take a moment and
comment on some of his two lists. While I am not arguing with the ranking
(though I strongly agree and disagree on some), it’s the food I would like to
focus on here. I won’t be commenting on all of them, just the ones that mean more
to me.
I have
said this before: when I was growing up as a lower-middle class Jew in
Bensonhurst, Brooklyn (in a largely Italian neighborhood), most Jewish families
I knew, like us, had five (5) sets of dishes. First there were the daily two for
meat and dairy. Then there were the two in the closet for meat and dairy that
were used only on the eight days of Passover. The one few talked about was under
the sink for the rare times we ordered in from the Chinese restaurant (rather
than eating out), or when our upstairs neighbor Madeline made her amazing lasagna
and shared it with us.
Now to the
first list in “My Definitive and Absolutely Correct Ranking of 40 Jewish Foods,”:
No. 40: Pickled
Herring in Sour Cream. Michael
hates it, but I like pickled herring. There was more than one occasion I remember
my parents being mad at me for eating an entire jar, as they tend to be a bit
on the pricy side. That being said, the one I prefer is in wine sauce, and
though I like it okay in the white stuff, I agree with Michael somewhat because
it is so much better without the sour cream.
No. 38:
Whitefish/Whitefish Salad: My dad
used to love whitefish. He would bring home the whole smoked fish, and eat it,
leaving but the literal skin and bones. Not me. But I do like whitefish salad.
It has a less fishy taste than tuna (which I also like); however, it also
depends on how it is made. It can be really good or terribly gross.
No. 37:
Kasha Varnishkes: Here is
where I strongly disagree with Michael. I love Kasha Varnishkes, and always
have. A friend where I live now made it for me last year to celebrate me
getting out of the hospital, and it was just so satisfying. If made right, the
onions and kasha, mixed with that particular kind of bowtie pasta, fills many
taste sensations for me.
No. 36:
Mandel Bread: My dad
loved Mandel Bread; I thought it was okay, even as a kid. Dad liked an almond kind
of a specific brand (that I can’t remember). Even though it was sweet when it
was fresh, if you waited too long… Well, Michael put it perfectly: “It can be
BONE DRY, like a biscotti that you find in the back of your cupboard that’s
been left unsealed for a few dozen years.” I haven’t had it in over 20
years, and I’m okay with that.
No. 34:
Halvah: I love
Halvah in doses but haven't had it much in the last decade; it’s not easy to
find here in the Canadian Prairies, as there are no Jewish Delis in my neck of
the woods. I have bought it on rare occasion from a Halal shop, though. My dad
didn’t buy the Joyvah bars, but as a brick from the local deli. As much as I enjoy
it, it seems Michael is correct when he states, “But everyone else I seem to
know truly hates it.” It’s best when it is fresh and melts in your mouth.
No. 32: Macaroons: The closest you can find where I live
is something called the macaron, which is nothing like a macaroon. I like
coconut macaroons, even though coconut is not my favorite flavor in the world.
We used to buy them in the round tins when I grew up, and I’ve had them on
occasion in the last few years, but I’m not fan of most of the other flavors.
They tend to be chalky.
No. 31:
Chocolate Coins: These are
usually given out at Hanukkah. Michael said it best: “They weren’t usually the
best chocolate, and almost always ended up melting in my pocket by the third
night. Still, chocolate is chocolate...”
No. 30: My
Mother’s Roast Chicken: Again,
Michael said exactly what I was thinking: “Perhaps this is blasphemy, but the
truth hurts: my mother (bless her memory) was a terrible, terrible cook…My
mother’s roast chicken…was as rubbery as an elementary school eraser.” There
were things my mom cooked okay, but this was not one of them, and she
made it often. And don’t ask about her cardboard steaks…
No. 29: Schmaltz: For those who don’t know, Schmaltz is
rendered chicken fat, in that it is cut up and melted down, and used like
butter. It sounds gross, but it tasted great. There are obvious health reasons
why I haven't eaten it in 30 years, but my mom made great homemade schmaltz. We
only ate it on Passover, though, for the reasons I mentioned. I remember
telling someone in high school about it and they were grossed out, so I brought
them some on a cracker. They reluctantly ate it, and loved it. It’s also known
as the original “schmear.”
No. 28:
Manischewitz Wine: Well,
this is true for all Concord Grape wine, not just that brand. I agree totally
with what the author has to say about it being “alcoholic Grape Fanta without
the bubbles.” I only drink it about every 5 years (on Passover, of course). I once
got drunk when I was 5 years old by downing a glass of it before my mother
could stop me, and passed out at the Passover table. The kind of booze a
kid could like.
No. 26:
Chopped Liver: I'm odd
in that I like any kind of liver, but especially chopped liver. Chopped, the
liver loses a lot of its graininess and has a smooth texture that doesn’t taste
“liverish.” Plus, it’s moldable into animal shapes.
No. 25: Gefilte
Fish: I actually
like the kind from the jar (Mothers brand) more than freshly made, with
horseradish (red or white). But Michael is spot-on correct when he states, “Without
the gross jelly, please.” My parents loved the clear jelly, but the texture
always made me gag.
No. 24:
Matzoh: As a kid,
I grew tired of it by the 4th day of Passover, but now I love Matzoh, except
you can't find it here other than through the Lubavitch Rabbi, which is
expensive. If you ask for Matzoh at the supermarket, they bring you to the
cheese section (that's what they call Mozzarella – mozza – here). My mom
used to prepare it a special way I haven’t had in 40 years, but loved as a kid:
she would loosely wet the matzoh (moist but not soggy), put on a layer of
chicken fat, and then course Koshering salt. So tasty.
No. 23: Knish: My favorite Knish is the potato ones
you buy off the hot dog stands in NYC streets, with mustard (spicy kind, not just
yellow). The homemade ones tend to be kind of glommy.
No. 22:
Matzoh Brei: I've
always loved matzoh Brei; on the rare occasions I get matzoh even today, I make
it myself. Michael says maple syrup is a must, but for me, no syrup. I like the
taste of the egg and matzoh together, with some course salt.
No. 21:
Maror/Horseradish: We eat
horseradish all the time, both red and white (though white is much more
available in supermarkets where I live). We have a jar of it in the fridge as
we speak. Great with any white fish, like Basa.
No. 18:
Kosher Salami: While
Kosher Salami is better than bologna (a friend once compared bologna to “uncooked
hot dog,” and that felt accurate), I still like Genoa and Hungarian salami
better, even though they are not Kosher.
No. 16: Kreplach: Kreplach is a dumpling for soup. It’s
good, but Kneidlach (or Knaidlach) is better. This will be covered more in “Matzoh
Ball Soup,” below.
No. 15:
Challah: Challah,
in a single word, is mmmmmmmm. With or without raisins (Michael finds
raisins superfluous). Needs to be fresh, though; supermarket brands tend to be
bland.
No. 13:
Brisket: I didn't
like brisket much as a kid because of the grainy texture, but love it now, if
it’s cooked right (i.e., not over- or under-done).
No. 12:
Corned Beef/No. 11: Pastrami: Corn Beef is good, but nothing beats Pastrami. Real
Pastrami, like from Katz's Deli. I’ve been jonzing over their Pastrami on Club
with Mustard on the side, and pickle, with a Dr. Brown’s Cream Soda (see below)
for the past couple of years. The Pastrami up here tastes like ham or Montreal smoked
meat, with a weird aftertaste. They also slice it way too thin, like pressed
turkey roll. It costs $85 to ship a sandwich from Katz’s to Canada, which is
not worth it (it also needs to be fresh sliced). But next time I’m in NYC…
No. 10: Dr.
Brown's Cream Soda: See above
with Pastrami. The only time I drink it, but it goes together so well. Michael
thinks the Cel-Rey flavor is terrible; I concur.
No. 9:
Blintzes: My dad
loved blintzes; I think they're okay. However, I like the potato ones best, fried
and with sour cream. For now, I’m settling for unfried lefsa.
No. 8: Noodle
Kugel: No one
made noodle kugel as good as my Aunt Elsie, period, who would always make sure I
had some when I’d stay at her house for a couple of weeks each summer as a kinder.
As a side note, one of my best friend since high school is named Bernie Kugel.
The first time Bernie and I met Handsome Dick Manitoba of the Dictators at CBGB
in 1975 and Bernie told him his name, HDM’s eyes lit up and said, “Hey! Like
the pudding!!”
No. 5:
Chinese Food on Christmas: Funny,
but this is not a tradition on which I grew up. In fact I never even heard of
it until I was in my early 20s. But I did love when we went to the local
Chinese restaurant on 86 Street, in Brooklyn. My mom knew the owner,
Helen Chan, who lived a block over from us.
No. 3:
Latkes/Potato Pancakes: I like
Potato Latkes, but I find them greasy these days; gives me the runs if I eat
too much. Yeah, getting older. Oy.
No. 2: Matzoh
Ball Soup: I will
fight to the grave insisting that there is no such thing as matzoh ball soup. It's
chicken soup with matzoh balls. You can’t make soup from matzoh balls; they are
added in afterwards. Anyway, it's good. Something my mom made well, though we
bought the matzoh balls in a jar (again, Mothers brand). Good matzoh balls are
truly hard to make from scratch to get the right consistency and not have it
fall apart in the soup.
No. 1:
Bagel with Lox and Cream Cheese: Most Sunday mornings, we'd have a bagel with cream
cheese and belly lox (which is nearly impossible to find nowadays). There is a
place here that makes it mostly right, except they put capers on it, which I
don't understand. My dad used to make what we referred to as "the killer
bagel," which we ate once every few months: a salted bagel, butter (yes,
salted), cream cheese, belly lox, anchovies, and raw onion. You felt that on
your side for days, but it tasted so good. Definitely not recommended for high
blood pressure patients.
The second
list is “My Jewish Food Rankings – the One’s I ‘Missed’.”:
Tongue: It’s hard to explain to those who didn’t
grow up with it how delicious this is. I haven’t had it in decades, but I can
still remember the yummy taste. The only time I was grossed out was that one
time I got the top of the tongue, which had all the taste nodules, which was
rubbery. Not fun. I miss tongue (keep it clean, folks…).
Egg Cream/Chocolate
Egg Cream: Just
delicious. I like the Vanilla Egg Creams as well. RIP Gem Spa on St. Mark’s
Place, where the Egg Creams were infamous. There was also a candy store in
Brooklyn on the corner of Bath Avenue and Bay Parkway that served an Egg Cream
I enjoyed (this place does not exist anymore either).
Potato
Kugel: Good, but
cannot come anywhere near Noodle Kugel.
Borscht: I’m not a fan, and besides, it makes
me gassy as all get out. My wife is a huge fan.
Hard
Boiled Egg in Salt Water: As Michael
said, “A Passover staple.” It seems a lot of people dip the egg into the salt
water these days, and look at me strangely when I drop in the egg and squish it
into a salty paste. One of my favorite things about the Seder. I never eat it that
way the rest of the year.
Stuffed Cabbage: Where I’m living now, you can find the Ukrainian version of cabbage
rolls, which are similar, but they don’t add raisins. I like the Jewish stuffed
cabbage, but honestly, I think they’re made too fat. In this case, the
Ukrainians got it right by making them smaller. However, after, you may not
want to be around me for a couple of hours as I toot away from the cabbage.
Bialy: Michael calls it a “poor man’s
bagel.” I don’t agree, as I see it as something totally different to be eaten as
a substitute bagel. We didn’t slice them on the Sundays when we got them
instead of bagels. We’d butter the top and eat them that way, or add a slice of
“American Cheese” (a processed form of cheddar that my family tended to get). Bialys
were distant cousins to bagels that tasted totally different and had a
different texture.
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